The Pooppening: Roomba spreads poop all over house

A puppy pooping on your living room rug in the middle of the night sounds pretty nightmarish in itself. What's exponentially worse is when that poop gets spread all over your house while you're sleeping. 

Jesse Newton, a dad in Little Rock, Arkansas, shared the horrifying tale of when his Roomba did just that.

In a hilarious longform opus on Facebook, Newton shared his devastating story.

Newton explained that his Roomba, an automatic vacuum cleaner, is set to go off every night at 1:30 a.m.

When his 3-year-old son crawled into his bed at 3:00 a.m. smelling of poop, Newton knew something went terribly wrong.

He went downstairs and discovered his whole house was covered in poop.

It will be on your floorboards. It will be on your furniture legs. It will be on your carpets. It will be on your rugs. It will be on your kids' toy boxes. If it's near the floor, it will have poop on it. Those awesome wheels, which have a checkered surface for better traction, left 25-foot poop trails all over the house.

After cleaning his son's feet, he attempted to salvage his house.

Then you get out the carpet shampooer. When you push it up to the rug — the rug that started it all — the shampooer just laughs at you. Because that rug is going in the trash, folks. But you shampoo it anyway, because your wife loved that damn rug, and you know she'll ask if you tried to clean it first.

Then you get out the paper towel rolls, idly wondering if you should invest in paper towel stock, and you blow through three or four rolls wiping up poop. Then you get the spray bottle with bleach water and hose down the floor boards to let them soak, because the poop has already dried. Then out comes the steam mop, and you take care of those 25-ft poop trails. 

His attempts at saving the Roomba were even less fruitful.

The next day, you finish taking the Roomba apart, scraping out all the tiny flecks of poop, and after watching a few Youtube instructional videos, you remove the motherboard to wash it with a toothbrush. Then you bake it in the oven to dry. You put it all back together, and of course it doesn't work. Because you heard the "whirlllllllllllllll-boop-hissssssss" noise when it died its poopy death in the bathtub. But you hoped that maybe the Roomba gods would have mercy on you.

Even though Newton couldn't save the Roomba, he was luckily under warranty and got a replacement. 

We recommend he keeps his new Roomba far, far away from his puppy.